NERV Potluck Shoujo Ai: Aftermath and Battle!
by unannehmlichkeiten
Summary: The shoujo ai continues between Asuka and Rei at the NERV Tuna Jamboree, and more couples start to hook up. But, after the party's over, can Rei and Asuka hold back desire long enough to defeat an Angel? Comedy and AR shoujo ai. Please Review!


**Author's Note: This is a continuation of my previous story: "Shoujo Ai at the NERV Potluck?"**

**So if you haven't read it yet, please do. Otherwise, you'll have no frame of reference for this one. If you have, prepare for more of the same, with a bit more OOC and parody.**

Asuka and Rei continued their undulations atop the center table, grinding to the tempo of the latter half of "Free Bird," which Shigeru and the house band played with gusto. Always the guitar (and secretly yuri) enthusiast, Shigeru's dream was coming true: 'To play the legendary solos to "Free Bird" and watch two hot young girls make out at the same time, that is my dream!'

All the NERV regulars gathered around to behold the spectacle, except for two. Gendou sat at his table, hands locked in front of his face, a slight smile protruding. Even further away, Shinji despaired. 'Now that Rei and Asuka are both taken, who can I hope to be with now?'

Shinji had every right to be worried. As day turned into evening, the magic of the night (and Free Bird; yes, they're still going,) began to take effect on the NERV personnel. All the stereotypical couples hooked up: Asuka and Rei of course, Ritsuko and Maya, Shigeru and his guitar (an electron blue 57 Maple neck Stratocaster named Maria), Misato and Kaji, Gendou and the other Rei's, and Shinji and his hand.

Makoto just walked around with a small video recorder, catching all this sweaty goodness on tape. (But to this day we still can't get at it. Remember the warehouse from the end of "Raiders of the Lost Ark"? It's somewhere in there.)

As the night wore on, and the band switched to ELO songs, the couples relinquished their grip on their partners. (Especially Misato, who found herself in the arms of Kaji, and not the giant blue romantic Preying Mantis she had hooked up with while drunk.)

The band finished off their last tune of the evening: "Sultans of Swing" by the Dire Straits, and took their bows. Shigeru addressed the crowd, saying, "Thank you NERV! I am Shigeru Aoba, and these are the Racketeers. Thank you, thank you. Well, it's getting to be that time, so good night for now. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here! So, umm… Get Lost! No seriously, go away."

The next morning, everyone drudged in to their stations back at NERV, tired but content from the night before. Misato, hung over as all get out, was the last to shuffle in, but everyone quickly sobered up when the alarm went off; an Angel was attacking. They began preparing, and the pilots suited up, but there was bad news.

"Bad news, sir," Makoto said. (Told you so.) "Our missile and artillery personnel are tired and hung over. Our capability to intercept is down to .06!"

"Never tell me the odds, whelp," Misato retorted. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just so hung over from last night… Oh yeah, Eva Launch!"

All three Evangelions shot up the launch chutes, ready for battle. The angel stood at a distance, waiting for them to make to make the first move. Asuka gave Shinji a short transmission from her Eva:

"Shinji! You go in first, we'll back you up!"

"Huh? Oh… ok."

Shinji ran out of the city buildings' cover and rushed the Angel. He was quickly overpowered though, and found himself pinned down tight by his enemy. He called out to his fellow pilots in despair.

"Asuka? Ayanami? Where are you!? I need help!" He was answered only by static.

The people at NERV finally got their act together, and started to retract the buildings of Tokyo 3 into the Geofront. As they did, and Shinji looked back for his partners, he saw something that was at the same time disturbing and hot: Units 00 and 02 lay on the ground, grinding on each other as Rei and Asuka had done the night before. Shinji was too distracted by this motion to focus on the Angel completely; his eyes kept darting back and forth. He looked up to his Heads Up Display, and realized that his Eva was running out of power! He was down to 20 seconds of power before he'd be completely vulnerable.

"Asuka! Ayanami! Help!"

Misato watched the spectacle in horror, and contacted Rei and Asuka in the entry plugs, saying, "Asuka, Rei, I'm sorry to interrupt you right now, but… Asuka! Stop it! That's not what the Progressive Knife is for!

"Sorry, Misato."

"Right. Now, We really need you to stop for just a second to help Shinji out, ok?"

Asuka whined, "Just five more minutes, please?"

But Rei answered, "I will do it, Asuka. I will end this quickly."

Unit 00 extricated itself from beneath Unit 02, and stood up straight. The armor lock on its jaw broke open, and the red orb over its eye shattered, revealing a glowing white oval beneath. Unit 00 had gone berserk, and what a berserker it was. It ran forward, jumped on top of the Angel, and took out its Prog Knife. It stabbed into the Angel's face, then ran it down through the Angel's body, making twenty very rapid cuts. The Angel, reduced to pulp, tried to redeem itself by self-destructing, but it was to no avail. Unit 00 walked back towards Asuka, picking up Unit 01 and dragging it back to the launch chute.

"Rei," Asuka gushed, "that was so amazing, you were all over that Angel! I can't believe it!"

"Thank you, Asuka. I don't know what came over me."

"You were aggressive, fierce, and in charge, Rei! How come you're never like this with me?"

"Should I be?"

"We'll try it out later, ok?"

"I would like that."

Units 00 and 02 walked slowly away as the Angel continued to emit a giant shining mushroom cloud. Shigeru saw all this on his monitors, and persuaded all the NERV higher-ups to join him in playing "Hangar 18" by Megadeth. (It was the only song that could express the awesomeness caused by combining a mushroom cloud and a Shoujo Ai makeout between giant robots.) They continued to play as the Evas went back down the chutes, and Rei and Asuka continued their kissing (and more) in the locker room. All of NERV was permeated by the intense hard rock tones:

On Lead Guitar: Shigeru Aoba

On Rhythm Guitar: Makoto Hyuuga

On Bass: Dr. Ritsuko Akagi

On Synthesizer: Misato Katsuragi

On Tambourine: Maya Ibuki

And… on Lead Vocals: the amazing trio that is Gendou Ikari, Kozou Fuyutsuki, and Ryoji Kaji.

The moment was finally complete. All of NERV was united in song, and the Angel was defeated. It could have only been made better if somewhere in the Geofront, two hot girls were making out in a steamy locker room.

Oh, wait… what? There were two hot girls making out in a steamy locker room? W00t!

Fin. AsukaxRei Forever!


End file.
